How I Overcame Depression and My battle With Drugs

Damn Mom,        Why can't you just be happy for once? Why you always gotta be so damn miserable. Why can't I ever call you for once and you just be regular? Life is too short to be Fucking miserable all the time.  Than I guess I kind of understand. Fighting depression really isn't no joke. Wish you would get over Eddie dying so you can move on and finally be at peace. It's not like he brang you happiness any ways! All he did was drink everyday all day. Manipulate you. Abuse me and my sisters, and molest me. So why the fuck are you still holding onto that piece of shit. He been dead. And you still living your life holding on to a dead son of bitch? You bugging! Maybe you feel guilty for how things turned out? Who knows? I'll never know because you're not saying anything. I know your health is not that best right now. And tomorrow isn't promised. Which is why I make the effort to call you everyday, and enjoy you while you're here. I just can't remembe...

  Dear My Unborn Child,             I want to say I'm so sorry for having an abortion. I don't know why I let your dad and your grandma convince me to do that. It's not like they were going to help me take of you anyways. There's not a day that goes by that I don't regret what I did. I think about it all the time. I wonder if you were my son? Or if you were another girl. I wonder all the time what life would be like if I had not 2 but 3 kids. I wonder every day how much of a joy and blessing you would've been to me and your sisters and to the world around you. It brakes my heart every time I see someone with a baby boy because I wonder if I would've had one if I would've never gotten an abortion.  You would've been 4 years old by now if I would've never did that. I can only imagine what kind of love you would've brang to the world..... Your sisters are quiet the blessing so I know you would've been. I did what I had to do. What seemed ri...

Letting go was probably one of the hardest things I had to do, in order to over come my battle with Depression and with my battle with drug addiction. I had too let go of all my past trauma. As bad as it hurt knowing the people I loved most, and the people I thought loved me, or was supposed to love me because of a title they held in my life said they had to love me. The expectation...more so. I had to let that go. Starting with my dad not doing everything in his power to fight for us. My sisters and I that is.  My sisters and I were physically abused and I was sexually abused by my moms ex-boyfriend. I held onto that guilt, shame, anger, and hurt for the longest. My sisters and I were also bullied in school.  From being neglected from my father, misunderstood from my mom, abused by my step dad to bullied in school. It was a lot for me. But I masked the pain up until the time I was 26. I had to be THE BRAVE ONE, THE FIGHTER, THE PROTECTOR, of my younger sisters. I ha...

One of the things that helped me overcome depression is, I learned how to sit still, in silence, By MYSELF, with God. When i was fighting depression I did everything I could to avoid sitting still for to long, because sitting still made me think to much. It made me face reality too much. And that was something I avoided doing as much as possible. I didnt want to face my demons I didnt want to sit still and take the time to analyze myself I avoided spending time with myself because I knew I had to heal first in order to do so And as bad as I wanted to heal I was afraid too do so Until I finally realized I HAD TOO! I stopped everything I was doing. I cut off everyone. one by one eventually I stopped going out everyday, and i just sat by myself with myself in the house. though i was still having a battle with narcotics I was doing it alone, without anyone, or around anyone. eventually I stopped using. because being on narcotics gave me a boost of energy... LOTS OF ENERGY so that i wouldn...

I’ve developed this inner beast over the course of years. After going through a traumatic abusive childhood, to masking the hurt I felt, and pretending like everything was ok. To finding Jesus. To suddenly falling into a depression a battle that lasted for 3 years. To letting my kids go with their fathers so they wouldn’t have to suffer with me while I faught my EX-depression. To falling IN LOVE with Drugs the only coping mechanism at the time and God that seemed to help. Too selling my body for money. Yes u read that right To facing all of my demons one by one To confronting some of my childhood bullies To learning they all had stuff going on themselves or they don’t even remember bullying me as a kid To realizing how strong I really am I faught and faught and faught. Until finally I finally said Fuck this Shit!!! I was tired of fighting I was too weak to continue and I finally stopped blaming everyone for my mistakes I finally resubmitted and surrender my life to Jesus And Here I am...