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Dear My Unborn Child

 Dear My Unborn Child, 

           I want to say I'm so sorry for having an abortion. I don't know why I let your dad and your grandma convince me to do that. It's not like they were going to help me take of you anyways. There's not a day that goes by that I don't regret what I did. I think about it all the time. I wonder if you were my son? Or if you were another girl. I wonder all the time what life would be like if I had not 2 but 3 kids. I wonder every day how much of a joy and blessing you would've been to me and your sisters and to the world around you. It brakes my heart every time I see someone with a baby boy because I wonder if I would've had one if I would've never gotten an abortion. 

You would've been 4 years old by now if I would've never did that. I can only imagine what kind of love you would've brang to the world..... Your sisters are quiet the blessing so I know you would've been.

I did what I had to do. What seemed right at the time. I believe me aborting you was the start of my depression. That was the start of something dark and scarey. I don't know if it was a blessing in disguise or simply the devil deceiving me. 

Either way I had time to get over my childhood abuse and trauma. And I became the best version of me.

I do believe in re carnation. I wonder sometimes if I was to have one more baby, if your soul would come back to me or is it too late? Will God bless me with another chance? Give me a different soul to look after? I don't know. So many questions...

I pray everyday and whenever I think about you I ask God to forgive me. 

Until we meet again maybe one day in heaven only God knows....

Love mommy 




                     

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